Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
