I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
