I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
