Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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