Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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