saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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