I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
