i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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