apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
