New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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