the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just had sex on a roof
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
