My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
