I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
areolas are like halos for boobs.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My penis needs a shock collar
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
