it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
