I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
