i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
