I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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