Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
