mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
