So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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