The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
