He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
