Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
