I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
