i think i have two assholes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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