just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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