fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
