i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
