I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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