If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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