TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
