i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
