Your favorite bartender is back from prision
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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