Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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