I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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