this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
