I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
