Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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