that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
