her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
zippers are such a cool invention
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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