I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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