i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
