Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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