Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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