Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
