I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
