I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
