why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
