I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
