he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
